Last month I spoke about the need to dig deeper in our conversations – to seek to understand others better and build stronger engagements, to get out of the shallow… How did you go?
In business we do this professionally, when we really seek to understand our client’s business so we can find the very best solution for them. We dig deeper to help.
A while ago, in my personal relationships, as a person with limited filters who is very open and honest with others about all aspects of my life, I decided to try not sharing so much, unless someone asked me, and to just keep asking questions.
This approach has not only helped me to understand more about my partner, friends and family, it’s also revolutionised the way I work as a coach, as I’ve learned to ask even more and become a better listener.
But the flip side of that shiny coin is that I’ve noticed I rarely get asked about me, my family or my business. I notice that others are happy to keep sharing, telling all about their day, their week, their life, and less keen to ask about yours and actually listen.
I’ve come away from social situations noting that no one there would have a clue what’s happening in my life, that people have become extremely self-absorbed and lost the art of enquiry.
And that’s ok. No judgement. Just simple observations in my quest to be a better human and do what I can to be LOVE (the noun and the verb).
Are you guilty of this?
“But enough about me, let’s talk about you… what do you think of me?” — Bette Midler in Beaches: The Movie
Take notice of what % of a conversation is you talking and how much is the other person?
These are habits that can easily be changed. Want to turn this around and see what happens?
A great technique is to make it your personal challenge to only ask, and only tell when asked.
Give it a whirl and see how much deeper your conversations go, how much more you find out about others and build that beautiful vulnerability that comes with genuine, healthy relationships – both in work and at home.
Let me know how you go in the comments!