Speaking your mind… or speaking your truth?

I’ve been having a lot of conversations lately around speaking out, saying how you feel, setting boundaries, sharing your truth – ya know what I mean? I’m sure you do.

It got me wondering… is it okay to speak your mind – to speak up if something pisses you off? Or should you just keep it to yourself?

You might fall into the ‘bolshy’, share-it-all category like me lol, or you may fall into the hold-it-back, don’t-say-it category – especially with your loved ones. That’s repressing if you’re unaware of it, or suppressing if you are aware of it. There are variations in between those two extremes, but I know you’ll know where you fit on the scale.

The more I’ve mulled it over, the more I’ve realised there’s a difference between speaking your mind… and speaking your truth.

Speaking your mind is often just blurting out the first thing that pops into your head. Sometimes that’s exactly what needs to stay there! 😆

Speaking your truth feels different. It’s saying something that’s honest and important, not because you want to hurt someone or prove a point, but because it matters – to the relationship, or to you.

One part of me knows from past experience that once something’s been said, you can’t take it back. It’ll be remembered, for better or worse, and can drive a wedge. So if you get it wrong, even if only slightly jarring, that’s it. The relationship can be damaged. So I get it… it’s hard.

But the other part of me also knows if you don’t say it, it can really drive down deep and cause dis-ease emotionally, spiritually and physically. We’ve all seen the results of that, whether we realise it or not, in our own lives or in the lives of others.

So somewhere between blurting everything out and saying nothing at all… there has to be a better way.

Learning to speak with love

I’ve been pondering this for some time now. As I’ve got older, I’m even more ‘verbally clear’, shall we say, than I used to be (I’m sure my sister might disagree and say I’ve always been like this lol). I’m still learning how to speak up in life without repressing or suppressing, while also trying not to offend. Sometimes I get it right… sometimes I don’t.

In fact, in my coaching I get paid to give feedback to my coachees, and sometimes it’s tough feedback – or tough love as I call it.

Over the years it’s taught me that it’s not just what we say that matters, it’s how we say it. When honesty comes from a place of genuine respect, love and good intent, it lands very differently to honesty that comes from frustration, anger or the need to be right. At least I hope I’ve learned that! (I’m sure you, my darling coachee, will email me now if I haven’t!! And hey – if that means you’re not suppressing it… then bring it on yay!) 😅

I don’t want to repress or suppress things and end up with dis-ease in any way, shape or form. So the key? Speaking honestly, lovingly and with good intent.

After all… Jesus did.

Some questions to mull over

So how about you?

Is there a conversation you’ve been avoiding because you’re worried about how it will be received? Or maybe there’s something you’ve been carrying for so long that it’s quietly weighing you down.

Maybe it’s worth asking yourself… am I staying silent because it’s the loving thing to do… or because I’m afraid? 🤔

Maybe it’s time to choose your hard, for your own wellbeing. Hopefully you can do it in a way that deepens the relationship rather than damages it. Sometimes simply sharing your intention can help. For example, “I need this relationship to be okay, and I also need me to be okay.”

Definitely some good questions to mull over.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. 💜