How we slowly lose ourselves

Ever feel like you’ve lost yourself?

I’ve had some time to observe my life and a lot of other people’s lives. Through my coaching and through friendships… plus of course watching MAFS 😊

Through my observations I’ve realised that it can be so easy to get a bit lost along the way. Sometimes it happens so gradually that we don’t even notice it.

I’m sure some of you can relate to at least one of these scenarios…

1. You meet someone, have kids, raise the kids… suddenly the kids become independent and eventually leave home. Along the way you’ve lost yourself and often the relationship too, because you were so focused on parenting – and not yourself or your partner. Then one day the kids leave and you realise somewhere along the way the relationship changed… you look at your partner and things just don’t feel the same any more.Plus you don’t see much of the ‘old’ you in anything either. Somehow you’ve lost the basic enjoyment in life you used to have when you were a single independent person.
2. You meet someone, fall in love quickly, introduce them to everyone you know because you just want them to be with you all the time. Then the relationship breaks up and now everywhere reminds you of them because you wove them into everything that was yours. You’ve lost your favourite spaces, and a piece of yourself.
3. You get a job, you get recognition for your efforts. You work harder to get more recognition. Then you work even harder, longer hours, involving yourself in lots of other areas, people depend on you… Suddenly, the job isn’t as fulfilling because you’re never relaxed, never fully ‘at home’ or present with your partner or family. You’ve lost the thrill of your job… and it’s taken over you…

It’s funny how easy it is to slowly disappear into things without even realising.

These are either things I’ve experienced myself or I’ve seen others go through, so I decided to chat about it today – re-finding YOU.

How music helped me re-find myself

Mine wasn’t really parenting or career exactly… mine showed up differently.

Music, concerts and live bands were a huge part of my life pre-Mick. He’s not fussed about music, loud bars or partying… but I LOVE it. 💃🏻

I feel like it was a couple of years ago (back then, after 12 years of being with Mick) that I realised I’d lost that musical part of me somewhere along the way and I needed to re-find it. So, I started going to concerts, shows and live bands with friends who share my love of music. In fact, I slightly overdid it last year because in one month I think I went to 3 or 4 concerts!! I said to Mick, “Don’t ever let me overbook like that again – remind me of this!!” 😊 Like he could/would stop me from doing anything ha ha…

Anyhoo… the point is that by choosing to re-find that part of me, I found my love of music again… so much so that I started piano lessons (yes Karl, I AM coming back!!)! But more than that, it actually deepened my love for my life and made me even happier than I already was.

I mean how could you not feel happier when you’ve been to see Christopher Cross and Toto in concert, or Kirk Franklin, Lewis Capaldi, Rob Thomas, comedy shows and amateur productions, plus some of the best musos in NZ at pubs! 😂

As much as I’d love to share those experiences with Mick, he’d hate them, and honestly, it’s been so worth the investment in me!!

What parts of you have been lost along the way?

I think it’s worth taking time out to ask ourselves – who was I before I lost myself in this person, job, lifestyle I’ve built, or addiction I crave…?

Have I somehow become smaller along the way?

Am I now a morsel or a whole person?

Think about your life right now – is there something you used to love that you gave up and truly miss? Could you rediscover it and reconnect with that part of yourself again?

It’s worth thinking about for sure – let me know your thoughts once you have!

Especially if re-finding something you loved helps you feel more like YOU again. 💜